Within A Year

I must admit that usually I approach the year-reflective-blog with a scoff and an eye-roll. Also, I find new years resolutions to be nothing more than lame excuses to bring up something you probably should have started doing back in August. I’m practically the Scrooge of New Years. I’m usually just in it for the exploding multi-colored fire madness in the sky. But, alas, I have changed my way of thinking. Maybe it is wise to reflect and to set goals, it is potential fuel for growth! I’m a fan of growth. So I publically apologize for secretly rolling my eyes on the inside at you when you’ve told me your resolutions or gave me a reflection of your year. I am taking a new approach.

So as I reflected, I thought mainly of the hard things. Honestly, they seemed to outweigh everything else. Then, I dwelled on the growth from those hard things. Then how those hard things eventually produced good things… even the hard things that I made hard for myself (which is a very vague way of saying... ‘even my sin’). I remember at one point, sometime in early November, walking with a friend who genuinely asked how I was doing on just the right day and I surprisingly held back nothing. My heart unexpectedly threw up March-Present Day all over her. I got done and felt a little embarrassed about the amount of raw emotion I had just thrown in her direction. I did NOT want the “I-don’t-know-what-to-say-so-I’ll-say-sorry” response, but I assumed that’s what was about to come. Instead, she looked at me, gave me a sweet sympathetic smile, rubbed my arm and said, “Well… praise God and His perfect timing.” And she was not being sarcastic. I distinctly remember the agony of having to refrain from making the most condescending and confused face I could muster up. But now I see just how much truth was in that statement. All I did after she said it was nod, half-smile, and agree. But it took longer to transfer it from knowledge to belief. I think that has to be one big theme for most of this past year: the movement of truth from my head to my heart. Things like the fact that: He does have perfect timing (because perfect has nothing to do with pleasant); His mercies are really new every morning; He is actually bigger; and most importantly…

Falling deeply in love with Christ is beyond worth what it takes to get to there. And now I have this bird’s eye view of the time that has passed. I am able to look at where I am, where I was, where my heart broke, where I mended, where I fell, how I got up, where I was a fool, the moment I realized the state of my heart, how I gained wisdom, the times I burrowed in the word, what I learned. The peace I gained from not looking for answers, but being content with the fact that God orchestrated each moment according to purpose and nothing was even slightly surprising to Him, is something I cannot explain. I would honestly be willing and obedient to endure those hard things over again if it meant more glory for His kingdom, even if I gained nothing. He absolutely deserves it.

So that is my reflection.
I don’t have many resolutions yet. I’ve been anti-resolution for so long that I really need to think long and hard about them before I make them. BUT to end this on a lighter note, I will now inform you of ten semi-cool/funny/interesting things that happened in 2010. Mostly for fun, but also to make up for the lack of resolutions and the heavy dose of reflection in the paragraphs above, also to let you know, my life didn’t just suck last year, it really did involve doses of exciting, absurd, and laughable moments.

I bought my first pair of TOMS.
(Burlap with gray, yeah yeah!)

I went to Africa.
(First time to fly out of the country)

I threw up for the first time in ten years.
(on someone’s bushes, a parking lot, a community bathroom, and kitchen pot… all within six hours)

I saw Canada from across a lake, a pretty great lake I might add.
(then threw someone else’s Frisbee into that pretty great lake… oops)

I pierced my nose
(I did it! I was tough… and a friend held my hand.)

I got hit by a car while walking.
(no major injuries, just some bruises; she wasn’t going fast, but she was texting.)

I went spelunking in Missouri.
(hilarious story, you can read about it right here!)

I got a second-degree burn all over my hand
(boiling water and skin should never unite)

I had more coffee than water.
(I wish I was joking)

I started this blog,
(good decision, thank you Liz)