Family

family in the car

family outside

family inside

family everywhere

Family Footage

Does your family ring colored handbells to Christmas songs at Thanksgiving?

Doubt it.

My Cherokee and Me

Most days I feel a lot like my car.
Square.

Even after four years of having it
I still cannot manage to park gracefully.
its more like an awkward little tango in between drive and reverse
you want to look away, but you can’t help but watch.

And when I’m finally in between those two intimidating white lines
I’m still a little sideways
I try to straighten out
but often end up raising my white flag and giving up
its just so hard to park a box.
I’m still learning it.
I feel this is an appropriate analogy to my life.

Most mornings I wake up feeling like I have a grip on life,
how I think, how I process information, how I handle things…
But then the day starts
and I have to interact with other people.
This is when I begin to feel much like a 12 year old.

As the day goes on, I realize there is much I still need to master
like remembering to grab napkins before I sit down to eat,
and learning to have a successful conversation without misplaced humor
and establishing an adult-like morning routine (that includes breakfast),
and not feeling the need to say “I’m sorry” or “does that make sense?” when I speak
and not pressing snooze sixteen times
and learning to daydream with my mouth closed
and eventually, figuring out which fruits are in season,
I end the day really wanting to wave that same white flag

I think maybe once I’ve conquered these things,
I’ll finally feel like I’m making the transition to being an adult.

but the list is miles long.
and I’m not even sure I’ve made a small dent in it yet.

So here I sit.
Dreaming of the day when I will nonchalantly glide into a parking space in one fatal swoop, look at you with confidence and say, “Oh, Oranges? They’re a winter fruit.”

Oh, someday.

gentle

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.”
Matthew 29:11

So I know that God is all things.
He possesses all qualities.
All of what is good and just and beautiful and holy and perfect...

But my brain cannot place all of these qualities on Him at once
I cannot comprehend Him being all things at one time.
So I learn the qualities one by one
depending on the season in life I am in.

For months now I’ve been learning God’s sovereignty
resting in it, wrestling with it, questioning it, being put in my place by it

But, amidst this I forgot that God is gentle.
He feels what I feel
He hurts when I hurt
And He wants me to rest.
He grants me strength to move forward
but He also commands me to be still.
Be still and know He is a gentle God
Who can romance me if I’m quiet enough.

I think its about time I allow Him to pursue me this way.

Days of October

this is October, everyday, straight from the pages of my journal.

October 1: One day I’m going to learn to be myself. I would love to figure it all out at once, but I don’t think that is how this works. So I’ll make it a day-by-day thing; one simple truth at a time. What I learn everyday. Something silly, something deeper, something I’ve always known, something new. Here we go October:

October 2. I am not my own
October 3. When we are broken, we are teachable.
October 4. You can’t grow spiritually without heavy doses of self-discipline
October 5. My attitude will affect those around me.
October 6. Moving forward is a choice.
October 7. Experiencing God doesn’t always come with emotion.
October 8. You can see how much hurt there is if you pay attention to what’s around you.
October 9. Ignoring the Holy Spirit never ends well.
October 10. The next part of life will not fulfill you
October 11. Wisdom can come from unlikely places
October 12. My time is not my own.
October 13. God often gives us more than we can handle.
October 14. Resting in Christ is not just beneficial, it’s required.
October 15. Its ok to Google simple recipes and laugh till you cry with a friend.
October 16. Honesty is difficult, but needed.
October 17. We choose the thoughts we pursue.
October 18. Simplicity provides prospective
October 19. The gospel shouldn’t be what I share; it should be the core of who I am
October 20. I have no excuse for not being bold
October 21. Isaiah 42.
October 22. There is a lot of beauty in quiet mornings, especially with coffee and Jesus.
October 23. Quality time doesn’t have to involve a lot of words.
October 24. Running away solves nothing.
October 25. Friendships are something beautiful.
October 26. Pretending is exhausting.
October 27. Learning who people really are requires looking for what lies underneath their words.
October 28. Vulnerability needs no forethought or apology.
October 29. “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer”
October 30. He is so much better
October 31. It’s ok to uninhibitedly dance around to Sufjan in the kitchen with people that you’d love to call family.