Too bad it doesn't work like this...

Standing on the Edge of Something Large

So I’ve just embarked on a new year of my life.
It’s making me more contemplative, obviously.
I spent the last seconds of being nineteen doing laundry and having a conversation about noncommittal socks (those things never want to stay together).
I think part of getting older is that every mundane task suddenly has life application.
Birthday weekend was wonderful. No real agenda. That’s my favorite.

Sunday I decided to take a Sabbath.
I slept in late, then woke up and spent a long time in scripture
I read through the end of Matthew
Passover, Betrayal, Arrest, Denial, Crucifixion, Death, Burial, Resurrection
suddenly, nothing else mattered.
I was heavy, but in a humbled way, not a painful way.
When aware of something so large, everything else seems so trivial.
It’s like trying to stand on the edge of the Grand Canyon,
then boast about the pain and joy of your year.
You just aren’t going to do that.
You are going to stand there in awe of what’s in front of you.

When I’m so fully aware of the cross
The only appropriate response is to be still
I find it so frustrating that this does not happen as often as it should.
Because as a believer I become so issue driven.
Let me explain.
I have this consuming desire to fix my problems;
a desire to become disciplined.
a desire to over-spiritualize answers
a desire to overcome everything

And over time I’ve made myself believe that I’m caught in this huge catch-22:
I can’t gain Christ without discipline
I can’t gain discipline without Christ.

BUT reality is that the first line of the statement above is not true.
there is no need to gain what I already fully have.

I’m just now seeing that this is just some kind of twisted legalism I’ve held myself under.
I have taken my eyes off of the objective evidence of God's love for me.
There is no level of performance or perfection I have to reach to be accepted by the Lord
The only way sin, fear, and doubt, lose their power,
is when JESUS becomes more lovely than the thought of overcoming the sin, fear, and doubt

I claim this incredible freedom of the Cross,
but still am in bondage trying (on my own accord)
to unravel my mess and make myself presentable to the Lord.
Now does that make any sense?
No. Because CHRIST is the only reason God can even look in my direction.
I am covered.

So rather than pursue discipline for Christ.
Its time to pursue Christ.
there is a massive difference.