My Cherokee and Me

Most days I feel a lot like my car.
Square.

Even after four years of having it
I still cannot manage to park gracefully.
its more like an awkward little tango in between drive and reverse
you want to look away, but you can’t help but watch.

And when I’m finally in between those two intimidating white lines
I’m still a little sideways
I try to straighten out
but often end up raising my white flag and giving up
its just so hard to park a box.
I’m still learning it.
I feel this is an appropriate analogy to my life.

Most mornings I wake up feeling like I have a grip on life,
how I think, how I process information, how I handle things…
But then the day starts
and I have to interact with other people.
This is when I begin to feel much like a 12 year old.

As the day goes on, I realize there is much I still need to master
like remembering to grab napkins before I sit down to eat,
and learning to have a successful conversation without misplaced humor
and establishing an adult-like morning routine (that includes breakfast),
and not feeling the need to say “I’m sorry” or “does that make sense?” when I speak
and not pressing snooze sixteen times
and learning to daydream with my mouth closed
and eventually, figuring out which fruits are in season,
I end the day really wanting to wave that same white flag

I think maybe once I’ve conquered these things,
I’ll finally feel like I’m making the transition to being an adult.

but the list is miles long.
and I’m not even sure I’ve made a small dent in it yet.

So here I sit.
Dreaming of the day when I will nonchalantly glide into a parking space in one fatal swoop, look at you with confidence and say, “Oh, Oranges? They’re a winter fruit.”

Oh, someday.