Seeing

I would not have noticed her had I not looked up from the desk at that moment. She was walking from the stairs to the exit, about a two second time frame for her to actually be in view.

I knew her full name
She had asked me a question a few weeks ago.
I didn’t know the answer and I didn’t have a pen.
I typed her name on the dashboard of my computer to remind me to get her an answer.
I left it there on accident.
She has the same purse as me, just bigger.

Immediately, I felt like the biggest creep on the planet.
Who does that? How in the world could I conjure up that much information about this girl within the time it took her to walk four steps?

I felt extremely odd for my mass knowledge of a stranger. Surely I should have myself checked out by a psychologist.

After work I had about twenty minutes to run in and eat lunch. I ran into the student center, got food, and sat down somewhere I never sit. Lo and behold, I look up and there she is at the table in front of me with a few friends. She had her head resting on her fists. At first, I thought she was praying. I thought that was neat. Then it became obvious as she lifted her head that she had been crying. I caught eyes with her for half a second then looked down. Why do we do that? Why is eye contact something avoided? I think it might be because it feels so personal. I honestly felt like I had invaded her space somehow.

At this point I decided to embrace being a creep. Don’t judge me.
The two guys and a girl sitting with her looked like they did not exactly know how to handle the situation. They semi-ignored it, but I could feel the awkwardness all the way over where I was sitting. Another guy walked up and talked to the guy sitting down. She shot him a look and asked him a sarcastic question. He looked a little lost for words. All of her friends suddenly became very fascinated with their food at the same time. They had a short conversation. He started to walk away.

I tried very hard not to pay attention but then I heard her say:
Ok fine, just leave.
I don’t know why that statement hit me like a train, or why it broke my heart. It is all just very odd to me, but it did. I knew she did not mean what she had said. She wanted him to stay. She almost stopped herself, but then she followed him out.

I finished eating a little while after and then left. On my way out, again, I went out through an obscure hallway I never go through and there they were. She was crying harder but trying to contain herself when people walked by and telling him, in so many words:
You just don’t care.

I felt the urge to put everyone in that moment in suspension, run back and grab her shoulders, cry with her, and tell her over and over again she didn’t need him until she actually understood it and believed me. Not because I am a drastic feminist, I assure you Miss Independent is not my life anthem, but because I wanted so desperately for her to run into a love that would fill every aching void she was trying so hard to fit him in. I wanted her to see it so bad.

I kept walking. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Obviously. I’m writing about it.
I prayed for her. Its all I could really think to do.

I just went into the laundry room a few minutes ago, mid-blog, to do a friends laundry.

There is only one other person doing laundry
There is a sticky note with a name on the dryer next to me
I glanced at it and it says her name.

Are these kinds of moments rare or do I just walk through every day missing them?

Her clothes were done so I decided to fold them. She has obviously had a rough day. And she has know idea that I am aware of it. Its the least I could do.

I opened the dryer to do so and quickly realized they were her clothes mixed with the guys clothes. My heart sank. I shut the dryer and walked out and now I’m sitting here a little bit stuck.
I have no conclusion to this.

If this is what having Christ’s eyes feels like.
Then I’ve been asking for more than I bargained for.