Self Portrait

A time, a place, a state of heart,
an ever fleeting work of art.
I love, I lose, I fall apart,
You pick up pieces; recapture, restart.

Desire to stay, desire to go,
But still, desire, I hardly know.
So torn between the things I claim,
The things that I want; such a selfish game.

Within this flesh I lie awake,
But dead to it, yearning, I wait.
I am at home; home I am not
A relative term (that’s what I’ve been taught).

Use me, love me, and know me still
Despite what I want, I do want your will.
While I am here, here I am yours
So today, it is you I will choose to adore.

The Carls

This is only a third of them, but I'm obsessed with this family.

Sisters

brothers

Zach

Amy

Unacknowledged Resemblance

The Experiment

A Journal Misplaced (Hyperbole and a Half Tribute)

It was Sunday night. I was driving home from an evening of

Crosspoint and hanging out with friends.

Content. Reflecting on my weekend. Enjoying the car ride. Even singing some.

Suddenly, I glanced over to my passenger seat

and noticed that not everything had made its way back into my car.

Purse, Check. Phone, Check. Bible&Journal...

NOT THERE.

I was slightly worried

I couldn't remember leaving it anywhere, but surely it was somewhere safe.

I decided to worry about in the morning.

So that next morning

I remembered that I had probably left it at my friends house.

The yellow house.

Nice girls live there.

I love them.

I expected to walk in and it be there on the table.

Unfortunately, this was NOT the case.

It went a little something like this.

I then immediately checked all the alternative places it could possibly be.

Sad and defeated, I left the house and got back in my car.

While in my car, I realized that this was bigger than just not having my journal.

This means that my journal was floating out there somewhere!

All those secret thoughts and words!

Likely to fall in the hands of strangers.. or even friends!

I sat there, letting fear overtake my mind.

I became quite distraught.

And although I wish I could tell you this has a happy ending,

Unfortunately, that is not the story my friends.

My journal is still somewhere out there.

Helpless, scared, and alone.

two truths and a lie(s)

It is a nice little game I play every morning when I wake up
it goes like this.
3 options. Two true. One not. Now figure it out.

truth #1: the gospel. Jesus. Who Christ is, what he has done, the overarching truth. It never fails; it never changes. I can always identify it and I don’t doubt it.

truth #2: the truth about me. the truth about: who I am in Christ, where I am with Christ, where He wants me, how He values me, what He has placed in me, the way He has made me to glorify Him.

lie #1: the lie about me. The lie about: who I am, where I should be, where my value lies, how I don’t measure up, the state of my heart. It’s more than one lie. It’s usually multiple lies. Satan’s the author and he is terribly convincing.

Now…

Truth #1 is hardly doubted, its a constant.
then there is a choice to make between Truth #2 and Lie #1. They aren’t usually labeled like this, so deciphering them is difficult. Most days I try to make the choice on my own:

comparing the two,

drawing conclusions,

making assumptions,

all from my own wisdom.

Sometimes I’m wise enough to guess correctly.

sometimes, I’m not.

Actually, most times, I’m not.

BUT there is a trick to this game

and its the fact that it isn’t a game at all

it was never meant to be

because God is not sneaky

he does not hide answers.

nor does he hold truth out of reach.

the trick is focusing on truth #1


committing, exploring, questioning, seeking, and loving the truth I KNOW
first and foremost.

because here is the deal:
the other two options, the truth and lie,
are mostly about me.

and if just finding the answer is my focus

then the truth I know, the truth of Christ, will slowly fade out of focus,
making me the focal point.

making me apathetic towards what is now the blurred background

starved for my own satisfaction
making myself the root of my joy

looking for my own answers
Honestly, getting nowhere.

but if I burrow in Christ,

burrow in this overarching truth,

then somewhere buried within love,

when I am waist deep in mercy,
humility, and surrender;
glorifying the one who is MORE than worthy of this time I’m wasting looking for something else.

it is THERE that the other truth I am looking for is found.
and it will creep in unknowingly; its entrance will hardly be noticed.
I won’t realize that I now have what I was previously looking so hard for

because I will be so focused on Christ it doesn't matter.
and that’s how it should be.